on envy

if you don't already know, i'm on a "beauty hiatus" due to my little skin problem.
well, it isn't that little since i had to put a pause on work, but then again, i've seen worse.
i guess it's time to add another aspect of beauty into my blog now - inner beauty - since i'm running low on beauty reviews and swatches :P

i remember there used to be a time when japanese fashion was the "in" thing,
scouring japanese magazine was my favourite past time (it still is actually!),
and i realize how many japanese girls are trying so hard to get wider double eye lids so as to achieve the gyaru look.

i look at my eyes and think to myself:
"hmmm, i have a nice pair of eyes!" as i pack on that eyeshadow.

lately, korean fashion has had a heavy influence on both the fashion and cosmetic scene,
a look at the latest korean pop groups and dramas will change the way i view "beauty" from a few years ago - about 99% of the korean actresses/singers/idols have a much narrower double lid, and they made natural makeup look famous!

now, my eyes aren't anything like theirs,
there were times when i thought to myself "i wish i had their eyes" because they are able to carry off light make up so well!
if i were to do that kind of light makeup, i'll look like i need more sleep.

and here is when i catch myself once more before i fall into the never ending spiral of envy.

firstly, the exposure to the societal's definition of beauty definitely shapes my definition as well.
secondly, when what i have do not align with that definition, there exist a gap where envy grows.


envy can be a bitch sometimes, because envy can feed discontentment,
and discontentment eventually leads to unhappiness.

that sort of defeats the whole purpose of dolling myself up to feel good!

how did i change the way i think?
i learnt that when i'm envious of someone else's features,
someone else is also envious of my features as well.
well, i just so happened to have loving girlfriends who never fails to let me know how much they appreciate me, they frame my perceived flaws in a such a way that they appear to be an object of desire to them.
surely, if someone likes some of my characteristics, then there is surely some value in them that i fail to see!
and my girlfriends help me realize those values and got me out of the envious cycle.

now, i make it a point to voice out my appreciation for other's,
it's necessary to let them know, because just like me, they may not discover their own value and worth,
and it's up to us to help them see!

we always appear to have more value in others eyes than our own.

the above example is only one out of the dozen of things that i own which doesn't align with certain definitions that i have come to adopt.
of course, being conscious of the biases allowed me to made necessary adjustments so that the gap between ideals and reality will shrink, and hopefully they will overlap in time to come when i manage to shift my ideals towards reality. :)

start loving yourself more today!
always remember that while you're envious of others, others are also envious of you (even though you may not know it)
don't let the envy blind you from your own unique qualities.

xoxo,
karman